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OfficerTom

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Mexico, MO Calls for Federal Economic Engagement

Author Alias: Joe Tebow, a professional cotton candy machine installer

 

Aurora - Local government officials in the nation of Mexico, a city in Missouri, have been lighting up the headlines lately due to their recent propositions toward the federal government. Mayor Brown spoke recently at a gun control event; "What we need here is for the United States federal government to get up off their lazy chairs and finally begin increasing its economic engagement toward the city of Mexico. Time and time again, Mexico Missouri has asked this government to help out by supplying the nation with 15,000 model 68 speed cameras. However, due to the government's negligence, there has been a thirteen-fold increase in car crashes, and a massive nuclear war at the walmart on 67th street, which risks spilling over to a global nuclear catastrophe. The solution to these problems is an effortless signing of H.R. 58999992 into law by President Obama, who has vetoed the bill a total of 58998326 times. REALLY OBAMA?????" The government committee researched the matter, and confirmed that the only way to stop a nuclear death toll of 14 billion, almost double the current population, would be for the USfg to supply these speed cameras to the independent nation of Mexico, Missouri.

Edited by OfficerTom
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Mexico, MO Leaves US for Latin America

Author Alias: Jill Barnett, official reporter for the World Geographical Organization

 

After a recent fight between Mexico, Missouri, and the United States, Mexico decided it didn't want to be a part of the union anymore, so it seceded this morning at 9:11 A.M. Local police have confirmed a rumor, which surfaced in a second grade classroom, that formerly Mexico, Missouri has been admitted to the region of Latin America by the World Geographical Organization. The ceremony of admittance took place in Cuba, Kansas at around 4:20 PM on tuesday. The ceremony was very similar in nature to Venezuela's, in that 12 Jewish Monks tied the American flag into a knot, smothered it in barbeque sauce, and threw it into the Pacific Ocean. The ceremony was held officially by the WGO and marks the 911th nation to become a part of Latin America. 

 

In other news, the United Mexican States have seceded from the Latin American region.

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