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artie

nfl preseason predictions

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postulate and defend your final division standings, and then playoffs.

 

rules:

1) name a breakout player of the year for each division, conference, then league

2) rule number one is flexible

3) pick one, two, or five hundred and twelve regular-season games of interest and give predictions on those too

4) don't be a homer. or if you do, rationalize it.

4a) chris and ben get passes. their word is always golden.

5) come on! post! i require more nfl after being cockteased all damn summer.

 

I WOULD BE STICKYING THE SHIT OUT OF THIS IF I WERE THE MOD

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I wrote like half the breakout players, but I'm too lazy..

 

 

NFC East: Iggles

 

NFC North: Packers

 

NFC South: Falcons

 

NFC West: Seahawks

 

NFC Wildcard #1: Buccaneers

 

NFC Wildcard #2: Giants

 

---

 

AFC East: Jets

 

AFC North: Ravens

 

AFC South: Colts

 

AFC West: Chiefs

 

AFC Wildcard #1: Patriots

 

AFC Wildcard #2: Steelers

 

 

---

 

Wildcard Playoffs:

NFC

Seahawks def. Buccaneers

Packers def. Giants

 

AFC

Steelers def. Chiefs

 

Patriots def. Colts

 

---

 

Divisional Playoffs:

 

NFC

Iggles def. Seahawks

Falcons def. Packers

 

AFC

Jets def. Steelers

Ravens def. Patriots

 

---

 

Conference Championships:

 

NFC

Falcons def. Iggles

 

AFC

Jets def. Ravens

 

---

 

SUPER BOWL:

Falcons def. Jets

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AFC

 

AFC EAST

Patriots

 

players

tom brady

shonn greene

 

AFC NORTH

STEELERS

 

players

rashard mendenhall

ray rice

 

AFC SOUTH

COLTS

 

players

peyton manning

arian foster

chris johnson

 

AFC WEST

CHIEFS

 

players

Phillip rivers

jamal charles

 

WILDCARD

JETS

chargers

 

JETS def Steelers

CHIEFS def Chargers

 

JETS def Colts

CHIEFS def PATS

CHIEFS def jets

AFC CHAMP CHIEFS

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Good luck dawgie, Tampa didn't crush yo entire team today at all... The fuck is that shit, Mr. AFC Champion?

 

 

I regret pickin yall to take the division cuz y'all 2 years away, but the Chargers prolly take it the next two years. I bet the Raiders will finish above ya one of the two years. Sheit, nobody sees it, but 'da Raiiiihdahs' will win that division one of these times. Chiefs were a flash in the pan, even if they take it this year. They can't fuck with the AFC. Move em to the NFC West, different story

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Like the Chiefs could seriously put up a fight against the Pats, Ravens, Steelers or Jets or even beat a declining Colts in the playoffs.......... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Be glad to be in the shittiest conference in the AFC just to get a playoff birth

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Like the Chiefs could seriously put up a fight against the Pats, Ravens, Steelers or Jets or even beat a declining Colts in the playoffs.......... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Be glad to be in the shittiest conference in the AFC just to get a playoff birth

 

Casey Wiegman: Didn't play. Tamba Hali: Didn't play. Dwayne Bowe: No passes his way. Steve Breaston: didn't play. Jon Baldwin: barely played. Brandon Flowers: didn't play. Kelly Gregg: didn't play. Matt Cassel: no pass plays. Jamaal Charles: Didn't play. Let's not pretend the Chiefs tried.

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Casey Wiegman: Didn't play. Tamba Hali: Didn't play. Dwayne Bowe: No passes his way. Steve Breaston: didn't play. Jon Baldwin: barely played. Brandon Flowers: didn't play. Kelly Gregg: didn't play. Matt Cassel: no pass plays. Jamaal Charles: Didn't play. Let's not pretend the Chiefs tried.

I ain't pretendin like they did because they DIDN'T. Yea it's preseason, but do you need to make this list to prove that? My point still stands, they could not beat an elite team full-strength in the playoffs no matter what, and don't try to act otherwise.

 

 

Oh wait, I was wrong, the Chiefs are in the NFC West, they goin ALL THE WAY, dood! :lol:

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And give me more neg marks, Kansas; I'm sorry but like I said your team is still two years away. Watch the Raiders beat you in Oakland

 

Put y'all in any other AFC division and y'all finish 5-11 but don't be salty, cuz I picked y'all to win your division. It's just the WORST division other than the NFC West

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i am on this like white on rice. just you all wait, i'm writing a damn novel for this.

 

What was your basis for picking the Ravens over the Steelers in the North? Last I saw, the Ravens were blowing a 21-7 lead in a play-off game against the Steelers. The Steelers find ways to win late in the year, and the Ravens are always snakebit by them. So, I'd be interesting in hearing your thoughts (don't let the fact that I'm a Steelers fan bug you, I have my doubts about this year's edition.)

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What was your basis for picking the Ravens over the Steelers in the North? Last I saw, the Ravens were blowing a 21-7 lead in a play-off game against the Steelers. The Steelers find ways to win late in the year, and the Ravens are always snakebit by them. So, I'd be interesting in hearing your thoughts (don't let the fact that I'm a Steelers fan bug you, I have my doubts about this year's edition.)

i didn't?

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What was your basis for picking the Ravens over the Steelers in the North? Last I saw, the Ravens were blowing a 21-7 lead in a play-off game against the Steelers. The Steelers find ways to win late in the year, and the Ravens are always snakebit by them. So, I'd be interesting in hearing your thoughts (don't let the fact that I'm a Steelers fan bug you, I have my doubts about this year's edition.)

Stillers are old as shit. Made zero improvements to their team, just stay pat as one of the oldest teams in the league. Ravens are a CONTINUALLY up and coming team with a great young QB, a GREAT young RB, a pretty decent WR core but a DESTROYING defense as always. RAPE finally loses a playoff game like he even deserved against my Jets and has had for many fucking god damn years

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here's my outlook for the nfc north; i'm writing these by division, so the others will be up eventually.

NFC North

1. Green Bay--the out-and-out favorites for this season. the boys are back in town, gentlemen. and those boys have better toys and healthier bodies than they did last year. oh, and a cohesive unit on BOTH sides of the ball, on the field and in the booth. that goes miles and miles, especially when the rest of the division has seen huge upheavals in personnel and staff in the last few years. the packers ranked 7th in total offense, 6th in the passing game, and 11th on the ground and return that same weaponry (except for donald lee, but finley and quarless are still on the roster). the packers run away with the division, hands down. icing on the cake? they're tied for 13th strongest schedule, just below minnesota and well below detroit. really, the only two games i see them losing are at atlanta in week 5, and at home against nawlens in the opener. i'll throw in the upset in kansas city in week 15, but really that's stretching it in my mind. so let's say 13-3.

 

2. Vikings-- oh, donovan mcnabb. this name alone gives me some confidence in my beloved vikes. not much, though. mcnabb has most recently earned/been assigned the reputation of "lazy fuck" along with fellow redskin alumnus albert haynesworth- a reputation that he has stressed that he wants to shed. that said, this is the same vikings team that chilly managed to somehow run into the ground (imagine a world where he didn't make the stupid fucking moss trade). it's his first (only?) year with a new coach, a new system- i doubt he will be able to integrate very fluidly. as far as the receivers go, sidney rice is gone to seattle, so the young wide-out talent lies mostly with the injury-prone harvin (god, that's so depressing) and the former sooner iglesias (who was hot/cold in norman). the additions are mediocre at best. the defense is generally meh, but in a love-to-rush nfc north, the front line looks promising: jared allen, remi ayodele, kevin williams. i'm not expecting much out of them, but i do see them splitting the series with chicago and edging them out for the second spot in the north. 9-7.

 

3. Bears--two words: jay motherfuckin cutler. this dude (along with, amusingly enough, kyle motherfuckin orton) is the quarterback equivalent of katy perry's "hot and cold". he has two settings: touchdowns or interceptions. period. that's why he was traded from denver (that, and being a whiny man-child), and he performed remarkably the same in chicago- except, he had a better receiving corps and a tight end called greg olsen. the biggest problem other than cutler is the o-line. they lost the center kreutz to free agency and the saints, and have turned it over to garza- who is a little bit on the aged side. despite the retooling, this line gave up NINE FUCKING SACKS against the BUFFALO BILLS whose defense was 25th in the league in pass defense. 8-8.

 

4. Lions--the perennial bottom-feeders of the nfc north. Don't get me wrong, the lions have great talent, and jim schwartz has some guile. and stafford has a cannon. but the fatal flaw in the team, as i see it, is their almost mystical ability to go down with injury. stafford hasn't played a full season, and has only played 16 games in two years in the league. nick fairley is down with a foot injury (not to mention i'm leery of his one standout year at auburn), leshoure is out with a RUPTURED ACHILLES... it's rough for those poor, millen-smitten felines. combine all of this with their tie for third-strongest strength of schedule (though the toughest non-division games are generally at home), and i'm not envisioning a great year. not saying it's going to be as bad as their gopher year (which i distinctly remember us lampooning all season), but things aren't looking up for them. i'd say 5-11.

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Stillers are old as shit. Made zero improvements to their team, just stay pat as one of the oldest teams in the league. Ravens are a CONTINUALLY up and coming team with a great young QB, a GREAT young RB, a pretty decent WR core but a DESTROYING defense as always. RAPE finally loses a playoff game like he even deserved against my Jets and has had for many fucking god damn years

PREACH BURNS!

 

the ravens picked up arian foster's lead blocker and also upgraded their possession-receiver-only WR's with lee evans who is at least a quasi respectable deep threat. anquan boldin should look better this year and ray rice definitely will. o-line better at protecting than roflsberger's...now granted, ray lewis has completely fallen off, and the pittsburgh wr's not named ward seem to be ready to step in around wallace. but still, like the ravens more this year

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