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I need someone to cut funny or satirical bits about the topic countries from The Colbert Report. Sadly schoolwork keeps me from doing this myself. I'll trade whatever you feel your work is worth (within reason) or the finished product.

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I need someone to cut funny or satirical bits about the topic countries from The Colbert Report. Sadly schoolwork keeps me from doing this myself. I'll trade whatever you feel your work is worth (within reason) or the finished product.

 

lol

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Not topic specific, but some impacts of Colbert

 

We don’t want to anger Stephen – he’s the most powerful being in existence. The impact is mega-extinction

Wikiality.com in DOES IT MATTER!?

(http://wikiality.wikia.com/Stephen_Colbert#Jedi)

 

Who's the leader of the mob that's made for you and me? His Truthfully truthiness-ed Excellency The Most Honorable Rev. Fr. Professor Sir Dr. Stephen Tiberius "C-Train" Colbert, Esquire, D.F.A., SC, America's Newsman, Star Commander of the Order of Colbert, Greatest Living American, is a news reporter and anchor known for his romantic style, supergravitastic poise, Lincolnish intellect, extreme uber-hotness, and witty delivery. Best known for bringing truthiness to America's heroes through his eponymous[2] The Colbert Report and its lead-in program The Daily Show,[3] Dr. Colbert has fought the battle of hearts, minds and guts over here, so he doesn't have to fight it over there. His hard-hitting approach to infotainment leaves no stone unturned, no guest un-nailed. From the panoramic heights of The Eagle's Nest, Our Glorious Stephen takes on the secular progressives, the liberal media elite, the fat cats in Washington D.C., the people who don't watch his show, and other enemies of freedom. Although we should all call him by his proper name (21 words in all), we can all call him The Rt Hon. Prof. Sir Dr. S.T. Colbert, Esq. In addition to his role as America's most trusted source of news, Dr. Colbert is a well-known wordsmith, whose inventions[4] include the award-winning terms wikiality and truthiness. His contributions to the American language are far too great to enumerate here, but the dictionary simply overflows with Colbert-coined words and phrases. Stephen's accomplishments in other fields are as just as great, and just as overflowing. This article barely begins to floweth over the cup of Dr. Colbert's amazing accomplishments in so many kinds of heroic action. "How does he do it all?" America must often wonder. The answer seems clear: Giant Brass Balls. Stephen Colbert is not the only true American Citizen who cares for America - just the Greatest Living American you can watch on TV. That is, if you're heroic enough to watch. Stephen Colbert is more American than apple pie. He is apple pie with a hot dog in it. Sexy! Most recently, Colbert has been labeled as an illegal enemy combatant by a resolution in Nancy Pelosi's House of Representatives. Dr. Colbert revealed on his award-winning news program, The Colbert Report that he is a Libertarian, who believes the government should be small enough to be injected into Martin Short.

 

 

Specifically, he’s a fucking jedi. GAME OVER.

Same source.

 

Stephen Colbert is also secretly a Jedi master of heroic tales. His prowess with the light-saber is quite remarkable as evidenced by this footage. It is also a little known fact that he is responsible for the deaths of all Sith lords, as well as Osama Bin Laden.

He is also a practicing Roman Catholic, and a Sunday school teacher. Stephen is a Biblican and a Christard. Bill O'Reilly jokingly called for a boycott of The Colbert Report during an interview on The Daily Show, because he assumed that the name Colbert was French; this is believed to be a friendly inside joke, considering their obviously close relationship. Actually, O'Reilly and Colbert are frequently seen together sharing dinner and discussing hard-hitting issues like armageddon, the U.S.A.'s world dominance, and watching the Democrats shoot themselves in the foot. Despite his Jesus-Loving ways, however, Stephen is probably part Jewish, as his genetics revealed. It is not confirmed, but 75% is a pretty good chance of Jewry.

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Plan: The Colbert Nation should eliminate all bears.

 

A. Competes through the other off-cases.

 

B. Can't Perm-- Obama is also a bear, and it's physically impossible to use a bear to pass a plan while getting rid of all of them.

Wikiality 4/12/10 ("Barack Hussein Obama") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Obama

Barack Hussein Obama (Barry Soetoro) is the United States' first black man — or should I say, black Bear — to serve as president and is the U.S.'s 44th president... As talk of Obama 08 heated up, several GOP talking heads experimented with various truthy ways of pronouncing the Senator's name. All involved emphasizing that middle name, but some of the more creative alternatives also shifted his first name to "BEAR-ack" or "BAR-ock."

 

C. Bears are the most dangerous and evil creatures in the world.

Wikiality 4/11/10 ("Bears") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Bears

Bears are soulless, godless, rampaging killing machines. They are on the list of things that will kill you. They are Satan's minions and the TRUE symbol of evil. Once believed to be the work of dragons, Bears (like purple donkeys) enjoy running around the woods molesting and raping innocent people and squids. For years now, ravenous bears have had free reign to use our woods as their personal latrine, protected by their "endangered" status.

 

D. We don't have much time left. We must get rid of this threat before their uprising in 2012.

Wikiality 3/29/10 ("Bear Uprising of 2012") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Bear_uprising_of_2012

The Bear Uprising of 2012 was predicted by many Heroes to occur on the Winter Solstice of 2012. At that point in time, the Earth, the Sun, and the Galactic Blackhole will form a straight line thereby causing a pole shift [1] and a geomagnetic reversal [2]. The secret military base the polar bears built beneath the polar ice cap will become operational afterwards and the Holy War of Armageddon shall begin. They have predicted that in 2012 the Colbear and Bearlister Crowley, on their way to Mt. Rushmore to do battle with Stephen Colbert, will take over a satellite and use it to broadcast a signal all over the world which activates his sleeper cells. It is also rumored that the Bear Uprising might lead to cheers unleashing their hell throughout the southwestern U.S..

 

E. And, the USFG can't do this now-- Obama's a part of it.

Wikiality 3/29/10 ("Bear Uprising of 2012") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Bear_uprising_of_2012

On Nov 4, Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States of America, and in doing so he nearly ensured Humanity's defeat at the hands of the bears. You see, originally, America needed John McCain to become president, who would then be mauled by a bear on a diplomatic trip to Russia, allowing Sarah Palin to become president. As her first order of duty, she would not only make aerial hunting legal, but mandatory in all states, and she would build up America's helicopter reserves, so when the bears come, we would be ready. But thanks to a time traveling Austrian cyborg bear who killed McCain supporters in the swing states, John McCain and Sarah Palin never made it to the White House. Instead, America elected Barack Obama, the first black man, or soon to be, BLACK BEAR as the president of what would become the United States of ABEARica. The signs are obvious: rearrange the letters in Barack Obama and you get Black Bear.

 

F. Colbert Nation solves best.

Wikiality 4/11/10 ("Bears") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Bears

Bears appear all over the globe. Their major headquarters are located in the Middle East and Canada. When not "hibernating," or recharging for their next attack, they are out on the loose, threatening men, women, and children of all ages. Many non-renewable resources, such as berries and salmon, are being devoured by the greedy grizzlies. Luckily, with the help of the Colbert Nation, this threat can be put to an end through the use of bear spray, bear traps, and our own bare hands. Bears must be killed because they are part of the Axis of Evil.

 

G. He's done it before too, in the Great Bear Incident.

Wikiality 3/19/08 ("Great Bear Incident") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Great_Bear_Incident

Once Stephen had heard of this, he came to stop the massacre. His first attempts included summoning an army of ten thousand eagles led by Dick Cheney. The Eagles made their first move by attempting to attack the bears' headquarters head-on. Their plan was to bring out Pooh and then Cheney would come out of hiding and shoot Pooh in the face. This attempt failed, and Pooh is rumored to have escaped the city through an underground system of tunnels created by the French-Canadians. Even though their plans had failed, Cheney and the Eagles believed that with the loss of their leader, the bears would easily be defeated. This was a huge mistake, as the bears had been installing anti-eagle turrets across the city and the Eagles were caught off guard. With the Eagles taken by surprise the battle was looking grim. Even though they put up a honorable fight, the godless killing machines ended up killing over three quarters of the Eagles' army. Cheney decided that enough Eagles had been killed and a gradual retreat was ordered. However, the Eagles' attempts had not proven to be useless. They had killed over five thousand bears but the bears were too large of a force to be beaten by the Eagles alone. After the eagle assault, Colbert decided that things had gone far enough. He gathered all his war gear and marched towards Manitoba. Once there , he used the newly discovered poison, Kool-Aid. While the poison didn't kill the bears, it acted as a hallucinogen, and the bears began to see John Ashcroft everywhere, and died of simultaneous heart attacks. The people of Winnipeg feasted on bear meat for many weeks.

 

H. Colbert's a fucking Jedi-- he can do this.

Wikiality 3/5/10 ("Stephen Colbert") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Stephen_Colbert

Stephen Colbert is also secretly a Jedi master of heroic tales. His prowess with the light-saber is quite remarkable as evidenced by this footage. It is also a little known fact that he is responsible for the deaths of all Sith lords, as well as Osama Bin Laden.

 

I. He's also Jesus-- if the Aff even DARES to question his powers or his credentials, they'll be struck down.

Wikiality 3/5/10 ("Stephen Colbert") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Stephen_Colbert

Stephen Colbert is the second Messiah, the lord savior of our world. He is the original creator of the world, who breathed life to dust on earth to create humans. Stephen Colbert has three parts of personality, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost.[reference from THE BIBLE] Stephen Colbert, or as people may know him by his other name, Yahweh or Jesus Christ, has come to earth again to save humans from suffering, whose glory cannot be questioned. Although Stephen Colbert is a vengeful god, he is also merciful. Pray for him, ask him for forgiveness, and you will get your eternal salvation.

J. Another Net Benefit-- CP will allow Colbert to become president of the US, granting everyone a happy life.

Wikiality 3/5/10 ("Stephen Colbert") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Stephen_Colbert

Colbert will then use his political power to Challenge the Colbear to a final battle in the roman Colosseum. Colbert will then turn into his alter-ego The Rampaging Colbert and kill the Colbear once and for all. Being an American Hero, Colbert will easily win the 2016 Presidential Election, With Mike Huckabee as his Running mate, and as his first order of business, he will have all bears killed in order to make sure a bear uprising never happens again. and we will all live happily ever after.

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Some poor novice is going to copy and paste that and run it. It's like the Ministry of Magic and ninja CPs, it just shouldn't happen.

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lol

 

sir, i think you would appreciate the beauty behind it.

 

Not topic specific, but some impacts of Colbert

 

We don’t want to anger Stephen – he’s the most powerful being in existence. The impact is mega-extinction

Wikiality.com in DOES IT MATTER!?

(http://wikiality.wikia.com/Stephen_Colbert#Jedi)

 

Who's the leader of the mob that's made for you and me? His Truthfully truthiness-ed Excellency The Most Honorable Rev. Fr. Professor Sir Dr. Stephen Tiberius "C-Train" Colbert, Esquire, D.F.A., SC, America's Newsman, Star Commander of the Order of Colbert, Greatest Living American, is a news reporter and anchor known for his romantic style, supergravitastic poise, Lincolnish intellect, extreme uber-hotness, and witty delivery. Best known for bringing truthiness to America's heroes through his eponymous[2] The Colbert Report and its lead-in program The Daily Show,[3] Dr. Colbert has fought the battle of hearts, minds and guts over here, so he doesn't have to fight it over there. His hard-hitting approach to infotainment leaves no stone unturned, no guest un-nailed. From the panoramic heights of The Eagle's Nest, Our Glorious Stephen takes on the secular progressives, the liberal media elite, the fat cats in Washington D.C., the people who don't watch his show, and other enemies of freedom. Although we should all call him by his proper name (21 words in all), we can all call him The Rt Hon. Prof. Sir Dr. S.T. Colbert, Esq. In addition to his role as America's most trusted source of news, Dr. Colbert is a well-known wordsmith, whose inventions[4] include the award-winning terms wikiality and truthiness. His contributions to the American language are far too great to enumerate here, but the dictionary simply overflows with Colbert-coined words and phrases. Stephen's accomplishments in other fields are as just as great, and just as overflowing. This article barely begins to floweth over the cup of Dr. Colbert's amazing accomplishments in so many kinds of heroic action. "How does he do it all?" America must often wonder. The answer seems clear: Giant Brass Balls. Stephen Colbert is not the only true American Citizen who cares for America - just the Greatest Living American you can watch on TV. That is, if you're heroic enough to watch. Stephen Colbert is more American than apple pie. He is apple pie with a hot dog in it. Sexy! Most recently, Colbert has been labeled as an illegal enemy combatant by a resolution in Nancy Pelosi's House of Representatives. Dr. Colbert revealed on his award-winning news program, The Colbert Report that he is a Libertarian, who believes the government should be small enough to be injected into Martin Short.

 

 

Specifically, he’s a fucking jedi. GAME OVER.

Same source.

 

Stephen Colbert is also secretly a Jedi master of heroic tales. His prowess with the light-saber is quite remarkable as evidenced by this footage. It is also a little known fact that he is responsible for the deaths of all Sith lords, as well as Osama Bin Laden.

He is also a practicing Roman Catholic, and a Sunday school teacher. Stephen is a Biblican and a Christard. Bill O'Reilly jokingly called for a boycott of The Colbert Report during an interview on The Daily Show, because he assumed that the name Colbert was French; this is believed to be a friendly inside joke, considering their obviously close relationship. Actually, O'Reilly and Colbert are frequently seen together sharing dinner and discussing hard-hitting issues like armageddon, the U.S.A.'s world dominance, and watching the Democrats shoot themselves in the foot. Despite his Jesus-Loving ways, however, Stephen is probably part Jewish, as his genetics revealed. It is not confirmed, but 75% is a pretty good chance of Jewry.

 

Thank you.

 

do i even want to know?

No

Plan: The Colbert Nation should eliminate all bears.

 

A. Competes through the other off-cases.

 

B. Can't Perm-- Obama is also a bear, and it's physically impossible to use a bear to pass a plan while getting rid of all of them.

Wikiality 4/12/10 ("Barack Hussein Obama") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Obama

Barack Hussein Obama (Barry Soetoro) is the United States' first black man — or should I say, black Bear — to serve as president and is the U.S.'s 44th president... As talk of Obama 08 heated up, several GOP talking heads experimented with various truthy ways of pronouncing the Senator's name. All involved emphasizing that middle name, but some of the more creative alternatives also shifted his first name to "BEAR-ack" or "BAR-ock."

 

C. Bears are the most dangerous and evil creatures in the world.

Wikiality 4/11/10 ("Bears") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Bears

Bears are soulless, godless, rampaging killing machines. They are on the list of things that will kill you. They are Satan's minions and the TRUE symbol of evil. Once believed to be the work of dragons, Bears (like purple donkeys) enjoy running around the woods molesting and raping innocent people and squids. For years now, ravenous bears have had free reign to use our woods as their personal latrine, protected by their "endangered" status.

 

D. We don't have much time left. We must get rid of this threat before their uprising in 2012.

Wikiality 3/29/10 ("Bear Uprising of 2012") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Bear_uprising_of_2012

The Bear Uprising of 2012 was predicted by many Heroes to occur on the Winter Solstice of 2012. At that point in time, the Earth, the Sun, and the Galactic Blackhole will form a straight line thereby causing a pole shift [1] and a geomagnetic reversal [2]. The secret military base the polar bears built beneath the polar ice cap will become operational afterwards and the Holy War of Armageddon shall begin. They have predicted that in 2012 the Colbear and Bearlister Crowley, on their way to Mt. Rushmore to do battle with Stephen Colbert, will take over a satellite and use it to broadcast a signal all over the world which activates his sleeper cells. It is also rumored that the Bear Uprising might lead to cheers unleashing their hell throughout the southwestern U.S..

 

E. And, the USFG can't do this now-- Obama's a part of it.

Wikiality 3/29/10 ("Bear Uprising of 2012") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Bear_uprising_of_2012

On Nov 4, Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States of America, and in doing so he nearly ensured Humanity's defeat at the hands of the bears. You see, originally, America needed John McCain to become president, who would then be mauled by a bear on a diplomatic trip to Russia, allowing Sarah Palin to become president. As her first order of duty, she would not only make aerial hunting legal, but mandatory in all states, and she would build up America's helicopter reserves, so when the bears come, we would be ready. But thanks to a time traveling Austrian cyborg bear who killed McCain supporters in the swing states, John McCain and Sarah Palin never made it to the White House. Instead, America elected Barack Obama, the first black man, or soon to be, BLACK BEAR as the president of what would become the United States of ABEARica. The signs are obvious: rearrange the letters in Barack Obama and you get Black Bear.

 

F. Colbert Nation solves best.

Wikiality 4/11/10 ("Bears") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Bears

Bears appear all over the globe. Their major headquarters are located in the Middle East and Canada. When not "hibernating," or recharging for their next attack, they are out on the loose, threatening men, women, and children of all ages. Many non-renewable resources, such as berries and salmon, are being devoured by the greedy grizzlies. Luckily, with the help of the Colbert Nation, this threat can be put to an end through the use of bear spray, bear traps, and our own bare hands. Bears must be killed because they are part of the Axis of Evil.

 

G. He's done it before too, in the Great Bear Incident.

Wikiality 3/19/08 ("Great Bear Incident") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Great_Bear_Incident

Once Stephen had heard of this, he came to stop the massacre. His first attempts included summoning an army of ten thousand eagles led by Dick Cheney. The Eagles made their first move by attempting to attack the bears' headquarters head-on. Their plan was to bring out Pooh and then Cheney would come out of hiding and shoot Pooh in the face. This attempt failed, and Pooh is rumored to have escaped the city through an underground system of tunnels created by the French-Canadians. Even though their plans had failed, Cheney and the Eagles believed that with the loss of their leader, the bears would easily be defeated. This was a huge mistake, as the bears had been installing anti-eagle turrets across the city and the Eagles were caught off guard. With the Eagles taken by surprise the battle was looking grim. Even though they put up a honorable fight, the godless killing machines ended up killing over three quarters of the Eagles' army. Cheney decided that enough Eagles had been killed and a gradual retreat was ordered. However, the Eagles' attempts had not proven to be useless. They had killed over five thousand bears but the bears were too large of a force to be beaten by the Eagles alone. After the eagle assault, Colbert decided that things had gone far enough. He gathered all his war gear and marched towards Manitoba. Once there , he used the newly discovered poison, Kool-Aid. While the poison didn't kill the bears, it acted as a hallucinogen, and the bears began to see John Ashcroft everywhere, and died of simultaneous heart attacks. The people of Winnipeg feasted on bear meat for many weeks.

 

H. Colbert's a fucking Jedi-- he can do this.

Wikiality 3/5/10 ("Stephen Colbert") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Stephen_Colbert

Stephen Colbert is also secretly a Jedi master of heroic tales. His prowess with the light-saber is quite remarkable as evidenced by this footage. It is also a little known fact that he is responsible for the deaths of all Sith lords, as well as Osama Bin Laden.

 

I. He's also Jesus-- if the Aff even DARES to question his powers or his credentials, they'll be struck down.

Wikiality 3/5/10 ("Stephen Colbert") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Stephen_Colbert

Stephen Colbert is the second Messiah, the lord savior of our world. He is the original creator of the world, who breathed life to dust on earth to create humans. Stephen Colbert has three parts of personality, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost.[reference from THE BIBLE] Stephen Colbert, or as people may know him by his other name, Yahweh or Jesus Christ, has come to earth again to save humans from suffering, whose glory cannot be questioned. Although Stephen Colbert is a vengeful god, he is also merciful. Pray for him, ask him for forgiveness, and you will get your eternal salvation.

J. Another Net Benefit-- CP will allow Colbert to become president of the US, granting everyone a happy life.

Wikiality 3/5/10 ("Stephen Colbert") http://wikiality.wikia.com/Stephen_Colbert

Colbert will then use his political power to Challenge the Colbear to a final battle in the roman Colosseum. Colbert will then turn into his alter-ego The Rampaging Colbert and kill the Colbear once and for all. Being an American Hero, Colbert will easily win the 2016 Presidential Election, With Mike Huckabee as his Running mate, and as his first order of business, he will have all bears killed in order to make sure a bear uprising never happens again. and we will all live happily ever after.

 

Gracias

 

Some poor novice is going to copy and paste that and run it. It's like the Ministry of Magic and ninja CPs, it just shouldn't happen.

 

True, though I'd love to judge that round to see how it was answered...

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Not topic specific, but some impacts of Colbert

 

We don’t want to anger Stephen – he’s the most powerful being in existence. The impact is mega-extinction

Wikiality.com in DOES IT MATTER!?

(http://wikiality.wikia.com/Stephen_Colbert#Jedi)

 

Who's the leader of the mob that's made for you and me? His Truthfully truthiness-ed Excellency The Most Honorable Rev. Fr. Professor Sir Dr. Stephen Tiberius "C-Train" Colbert, Esquire, D.F.A., SC, America's Newsman, Star Commander of the Order of Colbert, Greatest Living American, is a news reporter and anchor known for his romantic style, supergravitastic poise, Lincolnish intellect, extreme uber-hotness, and witty delivery. Best known for bringing truthiness to America's heroes through his eponymous[2] The Colbert Report and its lead-in program The Daily Show,[3] Dr. Colbert has fought the battle of hearts, minds and guts over here, so he doesn't have to fight it over there. His hard-hitting approach to infotainment leaves no stone unturned, no guest un-nailed. From the panoramic heights of The Eagle's Nest, Our Glorious Stephen takes on the secular progressives, the liberal media elite, the fat cats in Washington D.C., the people who don't watch his show, and other enemies of freedom. Although we should all call him by his proper name (21 words in all), we can all call him The Rt Hon. Prof. Sir Dr. S.T. Colbert, Esq. In addition to his role as America's most trusted source of news, Dr. Colbert is a well-known wordsmith, whose inventions[4] include the award-winning terms wikiality and truthiness. His contributions to the American language are far too great to enumerate here, but the dictionary simply overflows with Colbert-coined words and phrases. Stephen's accomplishments in other fields are as just as great, and just as overflowing. This article barely begins to floweth over the cup of Dr. Colbert's amazing accomplishments in so many kinds of heroic action. "How does he do it all?" America must often wonder. The answer seems clear: Giant Brass Balls. Stephen Colbert is not the only true American Citizen who cares for America - just the Greatest Living American you can watch on TV. That is, if you're heroic enough to watch. Stephen Colbert is more American than apple pie. He is apple pie with a hot dog in it. Sexy! Most recently, Colbert has been labeled as an illegal enemy combatant by a resolution in Nancy Pelosi's House of Representatives. Dr. Colbert revealed on his award-winning news program, The Colbert Report that he is a Libertarian, who believes the government should be small enough to be injected into Martin Short.

 

 

Specifically, he’s a fucking jedi. GAME OVER.

Same source.

 

Stephen Colbert is also secretly a Jedi master of heroic tales. His prowess with the light-saber is quite remarkable as evidenced by this footage. It is also a little known fact that he is responsible for the deaths of all Sith lords, as well as Osama Bin Laden.

He is also a practicing Roman Catholic, and a Sunday school teacher. Stephen is a Biblican and a Christard. Bill O'Reilly jokingly called for a boycott of The Colbert Report during an interview on The Daily Show, because he assumed that the name Colbert was French; this is believed to be a friendly inside joke, considering their obviously close relationship. Actually, O'Reilly and Colbert are frequently seen together sharing dinner and discussing hard-hitting issues like armageddon, the U.S.A.'s world dominance, and watching the Democrats shoot themselves in the foot. Despite his Jesus-Loving ways, however, Stephen is probably part Jewish, as his genetics revealed. It is not confirmed, but 75% is a pretty good chance of Jewry.

 

Get out of the Waffles aff

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