Jump to content
SPREZZIDENT

conference realignment: if i were conference hegemon

Recommended Posts

if i got to dictate everything everyone did, here is what would happen. this is a long post, but it builds up to what i think is the most exciting prospect for college sports ever.

 

----

 

in this world, the big ten and the pac ten are going to expand:

 

big ten regular members

illinois, indiana, iowa, michigan, michigan state, minnesota, northwestern, ohio state, penn state, purdue, wisconsin

 

big ten additions

missouri: creates a real mizzou/illinois rivalry; makes sense geographically for big 10. funny personal ulterior motive: i hope this kills their recruiting pipeline to texas in football

nebraska: someone needs to join the b10 that already hates mizzou; also charges a logical geographical and success level rivalry with iowa. funny personal ulterior motive: puts their fans in the b10, which is where i have always believed their fans really belong.

notre dame: shut the fuck up and join a conference already. get off national television, your program sucks and doesn't deserve to be wasting broadcast space on regular television. get relegated to cable packages with a channel number in the 200's so i don't have to ever look at you again. the b10 wants you for some reason, capitalize before they realize how annoying your faggotry is.

 

pac ten current members

arizona, arizona state, cal, ucla, oregon, oregon state, washington, washington state, usc, stanford

 

pac ten additions

texas: i'm tired of the drama. go to the pac ten. stay there. and bring

colorado

texas tech

and texas a&m

with you.

 

none of these schools really do anything for the big 12. leach and bobby knight aren't at tech anymore, so seeyuh. texas a&m has a real cool band but i don't care. colorado sucks at things other than hotboxing the entire rocky mountain range. texas was nice while it lasted but there was never a true texas-kansas basketball rivalry; makes more sense to put them in the pacten basketball wise, especially in the same division as arizona and herb sendek. the red river rivalry will survive this conference shift and that's really the only rivalry texas would miss.

 

combine those four schools with the arizona schools and you have the foundation for a pac ten east division. problem is the numbers don't match east/west [currently it's 8-6, if you're following along] and you can't break up the natural rivalries anywhere else, but this isn't that big of a problem because i'm conference hegemon! i'll just bring two new schools into the mix to even things up. i select [drumroll prease]:

 

air force: hell they're better than uc boulder at sports, why not?

sdsu: geographic fit and above average basketball team enters the fold

 

both of these schools are willing to drop m-west affiliations for bigger bucks

 

i have already created two conferences from the rubble of the status quo. for a reminder, we have:

 

the lame ten [the new big ten--i am a fair conference hegemon, and if you're willing to go by the "big ten" when you have eleven members, then you're going to do it when you have fourteen too. also, your basketball style can only be described as lame]:

lame10.jpg

 

and the sixteen pac [it sounds like a beverage when you flip it around like that, see how that works?]:

16pac.jpg

 

seriously, who doesn't love these conference alignments? the lame ten gets to add more people and maintain its lameness. the pac ten gets to add more people and get more awesome. the people joining are happy. WIN-WIN-WIN!

 

now for those of you keeping track, the following conferences have been decimated:

 

the mountain west loses sdsu and air force

the big 12 loses missouri, nebraska, texas, texas a&m, texas tech, and colorado

independents lose notre dame

 

 

so this makes it seem like the mountain west and the big 12 are hurting right now....but au contraire, mon frere, because HOLY SHIT THIS IS WHERE MY IDEA GETS

 

pause for effect

 

EVEN

 

pause one more time

 

AWESOMERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

the big 12 has the following schools left:

 

kansas

kansas state

baylor

oklahoma

oklahoma state

iowa state

 

iowa state drops to mid-major status, goes back to winning games in basketball in the mo valley. seeyuh. leaving us with two kansas teams, two oklahoma teams, and a texas team. this is our core for the next conference.

 

the mountain west has the following schools left:

byu

tcu

utah

unlv

colorado state

new mexico

wyoming

 

adding the four programs i selected above makes our map look like this:

prelimawesome.jpg

 

and allow me to introduce the HUGE PLOT TWIST!! which comes at you in the form of ANOTHER CONFERENCE RIPE FOR POACHING!!!!!!!!:

 

conference usa!

 

there are some seriously underrated programs in here. i'll select:

tulsa

uab

memphis

houston

 

bringing us up to 13 schools. hmm...we need one more...whatever should we do about that? maybe we'll just arbitrarily grab one team from another conference....but whoever should we pick....hmmmm....

 

Boise%20State%20Broncos.jpg

 

yea-yuh.

 

to recap conference awesome:

confawesome.jpg

 

WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE TULSA-BOISE STATE AND KANSAS-MEMPHIS in two different sports of course but still

 

also why the fuck did you read this post, that seems like a waste of your time

 

 

 

i still haven't figured out the logistics of the division breakdown exactly to ensure that kansas always plays memphis in basketball and that kansas-tulsa-boise state are all in the same division

 

but this is a conference for the [admittedly attention deficit ridden] FANS

 

someone hire me to do this

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yes. that reason is i guessed the location of all the dots i added in myself, and i have never had any reason to know where san diego is on a map other than bottom of california. not to be confused with the reason i have new mexico in as a preliminary member of the conawesome, which was that i didn't notice it til after i had already saved that photo and was too lazy to fix it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 101% certain that there has never been a cooler post on any forum-ever. That is saying a lot considering my affinity is for the Big 10 (The OSU), btw we do play some wicked boring basketball.

 

JP

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wonder if there is a scenario in which both Texas and ND to join the Big 10. In terms of revenue, that would be a quick 1-2 TKO to every other conference. It would be untouchable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

not under my hegemony, because then i would put all the military schools in the same conference and have them literally assault the lame ten, and i would hate to have to do that to tubby smith

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why not Fresno State in the Pac-16 instead of SDSU?

 

Also, you correctly located Pullman, WA, which I hadn't even heard of until I wondered why Wazzu athletics are so perennially crappy and looked it up on a whim a few months ago, on a map but failed to do the same for San Diego, world famous for SeaWorld, its aircraft carrier/navy base, and its beaches? Yikes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

look carefully at the red dots--i took images of the conferences already made and inserted *some* dots. a good indicator other than the dots is that some are typed out in text, and others have MS paint scrawl labels.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
not under my hegemony, because then i would put all the military schools in the same conference and have them literally assault the lame ten, and i would hate to have to do that to tubby smith

 

Yes, but under your hegemony, you would also have Tonya Harding quarterbacking USC.

 

The only thing lamer than the big 11 is... all the other 'big' conferences... and the ACC.

 

 

But to be fair, under my hegemony, most of the midwest would be dropped to 1-AA anyways because defense is essentially non-existent in most of the midwest. But you like high scoring games which look like a timing route practice without corners. Thats fine. Different strokes for different folks.

Edited by Ankur

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I wonder if there is a scenario in which both Texas and ND to join the Big 10. In terms of revenue, that would be a quick 1-2 TKO to every other conference. It would be untouchable.

 

Im torn about Texas to the Big 10

 

On the one hand, it means more revenue for my alma mater, which we need.

 

On the other hand, i like winning things

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Im torn about Texas to the Big 10

 

On the one hand, it means more revenue for my alma mater, which we need.

 

On the other hand, i like winning things

 

 

You forget. There is a reason why bowls are never in the north - the southern teams are afraid of bad weather. Put OSU-Texas in the 'shoe or happy valley in December for the conference championship and I'll put down on the Buckeyes or Nittany Lions.

 

There was no clearer reason for why the national championship game should be played throughout the country in all weather conditions than the PSU-LSU game last January. Despite having an atrocious offensive line and mediocre receivers, Penn State absolutely manhandles, teabagged and flat out dominated an LSU team that was bigger stronger and faster at every position except linebacker. Why? Because LSU got a taste of the weather of the Big 10. Cold. Rain. Puddles on the ground. I would love to say PSU outplayed LSU. Not true. LSU and southern teams in general simply cant play in anything other than 50+ degrees and sunshine. They literally wouldnt have a clue if someone staple gunned football 101 notes to their foreheads.

 

As long as the bowl games are in the south, the Big 10 will keep losing games. Its that simple. When you move them north, Big 10 will go 7-0 or 8-0. Hell, we had a decent shot at 6-1 last season.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is the Big-10 willing to take Texas Tech and maybe Baylor in order to get Texas? That would put a pretty big dent in their academic elite persona.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Is the Big-10 willing to take Texas Tech and maybe Baylor in order to get Texas? That would put a pretty big dent in their academic elite persona.

 

Why Baylor? It's a private christian school. I don't think Texas gives a damn about them. Tech and A&M on the other hand...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ankur get your elitist bitching about how football should be played in the frozen tundra outta here. in both the real world AND my awesome hypothetical one, teams that play where it's hot will continue to do so and the boring ass football played with frozen leather rocks will continue where it is currently located. put that shit in a different thread. this thread is for people to look at and realize that there is a brighter future ahead for college sports than the espn pundits would have you believe, and that world is a world with me in charge of errthang

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

guys guys no, if you wanna talk about what's ACTUALLY going to happen do that somewhere else, this thread is for that awesome idea that that one guy up at the top of the thread in like the first or second post had, you remember that idea? about the ideal realignment? yeah that guy kicks ass

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the main perk is i get to hire mark mangino as my chief of staff. his duties include playing the ed mcmahon to my johnny carson and also running around and poking people, super hard, whenever i tell him to.

 

i would be very open to negotiating salary for this position, but i would likely sign scott boras for said negotiations

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ankur get your elitist bitching about how football should be played in the frozen tundra outta here. in both the real world AND my awesome hypothetical one, teams that play where it's hot will continue to do so and the boring ass football played with frozen leather rocks will continue where it is currently located. put that shit in a different thread. this thread is for people to look at and realize that there is a brighter future ahead for college sports than the espn pundits would have you believe, and that world is a world with me in charge of errthang

 

teams in the heat are just finally figuring out how to beat the frozen tundra teams. it only took them a century (obv, we are the academic elite). no worries. we'll just figure out how to run it down your throats faster than wes drinks yellow tail. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah well the awesome conference introduces a new element beyond weather. due to the latest ruling by the conference hegemon, whenever the awesome conference hosts a team in any sport from an area other than the desert region, that game will be played in vegas and the opponents will be treated to a night out with zach galifinakis before the game.

 

some teams can't handle heat, and some teams can't handle tundra, but more guys can't handle vegas

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the position of hegemon is fun. i suggest you hire some good bodyguards. i might be tempted to sneak down to UVA throw you in a van old-school style, tie you up and beat you with a wet noodle until you concede all powers to jim delany... aka me in a jim delany costume.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...