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Gostak Distims the Doshes 1AC

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Contention A. Inherency

In the status quo, colorless green ideas sleep furiously. All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe:

 

1. colorless green ideas slept calmly.

2. colorless green ideas did something else furiously.

3. colorless green objects other than ideas slept furiously.

4. colorless nongreen ideas slept furiously.

5. colored green ideas slept furiously.

 

None of these scenarios is true in the present, which brings us to…

 

Contention B: Harms

 

When colorless green ideas sleep too furiously, then Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo will buffalo Buffalo buffalo. This both disturbs the Buffalo buffalo population and yields earthquakes which endanger human lives and cause the extinction of the Jubjub bird and the frumious Bandersnatch. The Jabberwocky, with jaws that bite and claws that catch, the natural predator of these two, will go extinct due to a lack of prey. Further, plant biodiversity in the form of the Tumtum tree will be seriously harmed.

 

Thus, we present the following plan: The United States federal government will pay the gostak an annual stipend to distim the doshes.

 

Contention C: Solvency

 

Glauds! How rorm it would be to pell back to the bewl and distunk them, distunk the whole delcot, let the drokes discren them. The gostak’s distimming of the doshes calms the colorless green ideas, yielding Buffalo buffalo that buffalo manxome non-Buffalo buffalo. This, in turn, saves the lives of the Jubjub and Bandersnatch, as well as humanity.

 

Cross-ex answers:

 

Q: What’s a gostak?

A: That which distims the doshes.

 

Q: What’s distimming?

A: That which the gostak does to the doshes.

 

Q: Okay, what are doshes?

A: That which the gostak distims.

 

Q: Can you explain to me one of gostak, distimming, or doshes without using the other two?

A: I can.

 

Q: Okay, so what's a gostak?

A: I already defined that.

 

Q: Yes, but can you define it without using the other two?

A: Certainly.

 

Q: Well, define it then!

A: The gostak is that which distims the doshes.

 

Q: Without using the other two!

A: The gostak - the agent of our solvency - is the agent which the US federal government will pay a stipend to in order that he may perform certain actions upon certain objects.

 

Q: *sigh*

A: You know, none of this is binding.

Edited by LSK
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Link: Plan ensures survival of the Jabberwocky.

 

Turn: The Jabberwocky bandersnatches children which will lead to human extinction. The only way children can fend themselves from the jaws of the Jabberwocky is by exercising the wishful thinking of their mentat powers which are activated upon consumption of the spice and everything nice. As children age, they develop a tolerance to the spice and require more spice and nice things to maintain their mentat which will lead to spice depletion. Running out of spice and nice things causes mentat exhaustion and postressmatic disorder in children which makes the Jabberwocky even stronger.

 

Impact: The worm is the spice. The spice is the worm. Spice depletion leads to sandworm extinction and loss of biodiversity.

 

Turn: The only way to slay a Jabberwocky is by a vorpal sword, the forging of which causes vorpal water contamination and vorpal depletion.

 

Impact: Strip mining of vorpal metal causes clinically proven vorpal tunnel syndrome and loss of habitat and biodiversity.

 

Turn: Jabberwocky survival trades off with Jabbawookie survival. The Jabberwocky, being more supercalifragilisticespialidocious than its closely related dessert cultivar, the Jabbawookie, a large furry slithmy sluglike hairless Saskwatch that eats only prolititians, brings it to the brink of the dodo bird and loss of biodiversity.

 

Impact: Jabbawookie extinction allows prolititians to profligate. Prolititians distim the economies, wrathing the trade federation, which will lead to globalplanetary economic collapse and nucule war.

 

Counterplan: Consult Doshistan to reinvigorate the frumiously sleeping green ideas of the gostak into enthusiatic apathy.

 

Solvency: Complacent activism of the gostak prevents dosh distimming and lets the Jabberwocky go the way of the dodo bird in place of the Jabbawookie.

 

Net Benefits:

Letting the Jabberwocky go the way of the dodo bird prevents child bandersnatching, spice depletion, and Jabbawookie extinction.

 

Jabbawookies are key to preventing interglobular war.

 

Jabbawookie populations are easier to control. They vulnerate to jedite blades, avoiding vorpal spice depletion.

 

Photonic fermentation of midichlorine precipitates the return of jedite, making it a renewable resource, unlike vorpal fuels.

 

Jedite is key to restoring balance to the farce and peace and stability in the insulverse.

 

Evidence: Herbert and Lucas cards postdate Carroll cards.

Edited by jemmyc
gremmantics

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