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Funniest Cross-Xs (Questions, Answers, etc...)

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In the spirit of self-deprecating humor, here's one of my favorites from the last year:

 

Doubles of CEDA Nationals

CX of the 1NC

Me: what does it mean for capitalism to have an ontology?

1N: It means that there is a very specific social arrangement in which...(I cut him off)

Me: wait. That sounds more like an epistemology than an ontology to me

1N: I don't think you know the meaning of either of those.

Room: *chuckles *

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In the spirit of self-deprecating humor, here's one of my favorites from the last year:

 

Doubles of CEDA Nationals

CX of the 1NC

Me: what does it mean for capitalism to have an ontology?

1N: It means that there is a very specific social arrangement in which...(I cut him off)

Me: wait. That sounds more like an epistemology than an ontology to me

1N: I don't think you know the meaning of either of those.

Room: *chuckles *

 

It's funny because you lost

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I saw Gonzaba at harvard this year... I dropped to one of his teams on how they can imagine to end world hunger and how we can all be superman and destroy structural violence..... duh fuq? lol they were cool tho

 

are you debating?

 

yeah, I debated for Millard South AC

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yeah, I debated for Millard South AC, kicked some ass, and ball'd hard erryday

 

Fixed.

 

Yeah, so congrats to you and Max. I hear you're going to Emporia? That's really sweet. And Max is going to UNT? That is also really sweet. Do you know if you'll be judging a lot next year? I hope I get at least one of you.

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In the spirit of self-deprecating humor, here's one of my favorites from the last year:

 

Doubles of CEDA Nationals

CX of the 1NC

Me: what does it mean for capitalism to have an ontology?

1N: It means that there is a very specific social arrangement in which...(I cut him off)

Me: wait. That sounds more like an epistemology than an ontology to me

1N: I don't think you know the meaning of either of those.

Room: *chuckles *

 

Allsup or Garcia?

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Allsup or Garcia?

 

Both, they debate together. Me and my current partner have had an excellent relationship with them over the last few years. They debate a lot like the way we do, and it's always a toss-up between us. They might be my favorite opponents of all time, but that's a hard thing to decide.

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Fixed.

 

Yeah, so congrats to you and Max. I hear you're going to Emporia? That's really sweet. And Max is going to UNT? That is also really sweet. Do you know if you'll be judging a lot next year? I hope I get at least one of you.

 

Yeah, I'm super stoked to debate with Ryan, and I know Max is hella stoked for Texas. I hope to be judging at AT LEAST a few midwest tournaments, but I have to see how college and college debate go first.

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Yeah, I'm super stoked to debate with Ryan, and I know Max is hella stoked for Texas. I hope to be judging at AT LEAST a few midwest tournaments, but I have to see how college and college debate go first.

 

Yeah I gotcha. I don't really see us up in the mid west very much this year. I think we will probably go to the Glenbrooks, but that's probably it. We'll probably have the possibility of having Max as a judge pretty often, as we debate in Texas more than any where else. I'm sure I'll be watching a good number of your rounds on dat puttingthekindebate, ya know.

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Aff reads a squirrely "send a monkey to space" aff with advantages of space biodiversity and enviro-frontierism (fucking stupid)

 

Me in CX: So why is a monkey key?

Them: I don't know. It is stereotypical though.

 

In the 1NC, I read a animal-centrism K and a Send the other team to space CP (net benefit of they don't know what the fuck they're doing.)

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Aff reads a squirrely "send a monkey to space" aff with advantages of space biodiversity and enviro-frontierism (fucking stupid)

 

Me in CX: So why is a monkey key?

Them: I don't know. It is stereotypical though.

 

In the 1NC, I read a animal-centrism K and a Send the other team to space CP (net benefit of they don't know what the fuck they're doing.)

 

How is this a net benefit?

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How is this a net benefit?

 

Just my guess: Debate is improved as a whole because idiots that don't know why they endorse their plan text leave and/or the world is better as a whole?

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Just my guess: Debate is improved as a whole because idiots that don't know why they endorse their plan text leave and/or the world is better as a whole?

 

Or debate digresses because idiots make "they don't know what they're talking about" a net benefit.

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Also: @SlavojZizek....... can I see some of those Animal Centrism cards? I'm just interested.

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It could be that there's out-round advocacy and that's good for ethics. Honestly, I don't know.

 

Also, SlavojZizek, could I also see those cards? I'll understand if you refuse, considering how I responded to your "Theory Question", but I'd sincerely appreciate it.

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Or debate digresses because idiots make "they don't know what they're talking about" a net benefit.

 

I never said it was smart...

 

Also, those cards seem a bit awesome, would you just post them for everyone?

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Aff reads a squirrely "send a monkey to space" aff with advantages of space biodiversity and enviro-frontierism (fucking stupid)

 

Me in CX: So why is a monkey key?

Them: I don't know. It is stereotypical though.

 

In the 1NC, I read a animal-centrism K and a Send the other team to space CP (net benefit of they don't know what the fuck they're doing.)

 

Humans happen to be animals as well....

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Sorry, I don't have it anymore because I made it 10 minutes before the round when they disclosed and I didn't save it anywhere important :(

 

Basically, this was the outline.

 

A. Plan extrapolates care and emphasis of animals.

B. Caring too much about animals leads to social hatred and uncivility- PETA proves

C. Hatred is the root cause of the Holocaust.

D. Extinction.

E. Alt is to reject the aff in the face of animal-centrism

 

 

The Send other team to space CP had a net benefit of "the other doesn't know what they're doing" so they shouldn't be doing debate because they ruin it with shit cases. Also, I added the K as a net benefit to the CP (luls).

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These aren't that funny, but eh.

 

I once had a debate where I made some kind of claim in the 1NC that wasn't backed by evidence (it was current events issues that I thought everyone knew about). The aff tried grilling me on that in cross-ex, and I kept saying that it was obvious if you paid attention to the news. They tried bringing it up in their 2AC that all of my claims were ridiculous. My partner gets up in her 2NC and says that we don't need evidence "We have the truth on our side".

 

I wasn't in this round, but two of my teammates were running speciesism against another team.

Aff: "So, you speak for the animals?"

Neg: "Yeah, we do."

Aff: "How do you know that animals don't want to die?"

Neg: "I know what all animals are thinking all the time. I can read their minds."

 

My teammates won that round :P.

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We were running T on the other team and in CX, my partner says, "how are you topical?" (we were novices)

And they say, "Our plan text has the word infrastructure in it?"

My partner: "Well guinea pig has the word pig in it, but that doesn't mean its a pig."

It was the funniest moment of my life. The other team was just like, "DAMN!"

The judge thought it was hilarious.

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second novice round.

Neg: Do you increase palm trees?

Me: Ummm no i dont think so.

Neg: You are very untropical then

Me: (facepalm) is this a real arugement?

Neg: This is my Cx bucko (who says bucko???)

Me: Very well.

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This is what open feels like:

-----

Me: How does Nextgen inherency apply to GPS?

Her: You said FAA in your first card

-----

(posted this one in another thread. Context: lay round)

Him: Why does biodiversity loss outweigh human extinction?

Partner: Human extinction is just one part of the whole, if we lose multiple parts that outweighs human extinction

Him: But human extinction would still be really bad right?

Partner: If anything human extinction would probably be good

(yelled at him after the round for this. Still picked up fortunately, helped that they went for vagueness)

-----

Me: So your Lahman 36 card, where does it say that we have to specify funding?

Him: well it says that debate is structured off of a resolution saying (goes on to read parts of the card talking about resolution focus good) so that means that you have to specify.

Me: NO IT DOESN'T!!! What!?!?

(he got away with this because it's a lay round and was able to pretend the card was saying something it wasn't by reading a bunch of technobabble)

-----

(judging novices)

Him: what's the text of the counterplan?

Her: What?

------

Me: Status of the counterplan?

Him: Please rephrase that.

Me: ... what's the status?

Him: what?

<his partner desperately trying to whisper "CONDITIONAL CONDITIONAL.">

Me: can you kick it?

Him: Can you what?

Me: At some point in this debate can you stop talking about the counterplan?

Him: Uh... maybe? Yes?

Me: So you can't kick it?

Him: Uh... yeah

Me: So it's unconditional?

Him: Yes.

<his partner has buried her face in her desk at this point>

Me: Okay so you said your counterplan is net beneficial and that you would "bring up disads that it avoided later in the speech" (they literally said this)

Him: Yes.

Me: Okay so then what's the net benefit. (he had only read two off case, T and the CP)

Him: Umm....

Me: What disad do you avoid?

Him: uh....

Me: So you don't have a net benefit right?

Him: Um... yeah...

Me: No more questions.

(Kind of felt bad about this one later)

-----

(lay round against a rural team, read T substantial because we can)

Her: So what's your standards?

Partner: Well our reasons to prefer are avoiding exploding the topic where we can't prepare for thousands of tiny affs

Her: But you have to read standards! Like framers intent, dictionary definition, common mans definition! You didn't have any of those?

Partner: Nope

<2AC>

2A: They don't understand topicality! There's a list of standards, framers intent, dictionary definition (goes onto list ten or so standards that haven't been used since the 60s

(Picked up on T)

------

Her: What's your inherent barrier

Me: *sigh* <spend a minute referring back to our inherency card and explaining it lay style>

1NC is 3 minutes of "they don't have an inherent barrier"

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