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Funniest Cross-Xs (Questions, Answers, etc...)

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Anyone who runs Nietzsche without adopting a similar persona is missing out on all the fun.

 

Staying with the Nietzsche theme...

 

[Last year's state finals]

 

Neg ran Nietzsche and then severance perms bad in the 2NC:

 

Aff: So your alt is to embrace suffering, right?

 

Neg: That's right.

 

Aff: So severance perms are abusive too, right?

 

Neg: That's the theory I ran, yes.

 

Aff: So why can't you just embrace my theoretical abuse on you?

 

[1AR and 2AR proceeded to make fun of the K alt for the rest of the round]

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ask "can u believe it's not butter", then, if they say "yes", run an elitism k

 

Epic bump. Sadly, this is the best I got:

I'm aff (Solar Shield Plan), Neg runs Cap. In the 2ac I read a turn that only cap can solve for climate change.

 

Cx of 2ac

1n: "do you read an impact to climate change?"

Me: "no..."

1n: "so why should it be evaluated?"

Me: "cuz climate change is... All bad... And stuff" *my partner just laughs*

 

2nc drops cap

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Running the Ivory Tower K

 

Aff: So, I want to go to college next year, does that make me an elitist?

 

Neg: Look. Personally, I don't think that you are an unqualified and disconnected academic, but my author does, and who am I to argue with him?

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Running a French elections DA (during the Russian presidential campaign):

 

Aff: So, who is the current President of Russia?

 

Neg: Medvedev.

 

Aff: So if Sarkozy's not in power yet, what's the brink to your impact?

 

Neg: ...He's the President of France...

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Running Zeno's Paradox and Baudrillard/Batille:

 

Aff: So if motion is impossible, how come I can move to the wall?

 

Neg: We would argue that you aren't actually moving to the wall.

 

Aff: (walks to the wall) See? I'm touching the wall.

 

Neg: Well, you aren't really. There's still a distance between you an the wall.

 

Aff: (runs into the wall)

 

Neg: (stunned silence, and then) See, this just proves that knowledge is self-effacing

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I think the logical extension of Zeno's position is "time doesn't exist" which I usually simplify to "the only moment is now". I use it as a subpoint in my AT: Predictions block.

 

I like it better that way because it sounds less ridiculous and people don't think to pull out their AT: Zeno arguments.

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Michael Kennedy: How would your plan not kill billions of people?

Me: Because it wouldn't.

 

Michael Kennedy: Is one million billion even a real number?

Me: Yeah bro, its called multiplication.

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Me and Gonzaba were running Waving Flag last year. This was the first cross-x question of the 1AC.

 

Him: So what does your whole Kumbayah thing do?

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(this was after the 1NC and before we kicked out of our case in the 2AC and ran killer robots are coming to kill so we need to time trael back to the 1600s and stop the invention of modern technology)

1A: what's the condition of your cap K?

1N/2N (he was maverik): dispositional

1A: okay one last question... how do you feel about killer robots

1N/2N: what????haha

1A: hahahahahaha

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my novice year my partner was still getting used to debate

 

2nc ran 8 minutes of solvency

 

partner (do you relize that you dropped everything but solvency

 

other team no were not dropping them.

 

 

in class debate round

me: whats your birth day

 

other team: august 12,1995

 

me: whats your social security number,credit card number, security code, and the number underneath the deal where you scratch it off with a penny?

 

other team: silence

 

 

some other random ones

 

wheres the best place to hide a body?

 

you: do you know any good knock knock jokes?

 

other team: yeah, knock knock

 

you: come in

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Them: "So what is Solar Shield? Is it a giant shield in space?"

Me: "No, it's a satelite that detects ionic gas created by massive power solar storms from the sun."

Them: "Then why is it called the solar shield? It seems a little misleading don't you think? I mean, it's not really a shield-"

Me: "Is the S.S. George Washington really George Washington himself? NO"

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me: do you go into space

1a: Yes

me: how?

1a: metaphorically

me: cool so what does that mean?

1a: we imagine ourselves in space

 

the judge by this point is like wtf....

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Me and Gonzaba were running Waving Flag last year. This was the first cross-x question of the 1AC.

 

I saw Gonzaba at harvard this year... I dropped to one of his teams on how they can imagine to end world hunger and how we can all be superman and destroy structural violence..... duh fuq? lol they were cool tho

 

are you debating?

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Back on the poverty topic in a practice debate at school:

Chris (X Spike): So Colin, tell me about this Kak 2000 card.

Me: Well... it details how RMA is critical to tech advancements in the militar-

Chris: Do you like Kak, Colin?

Me: ... yes

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I had a Cockburn 10 (yes that's spelled correctly) card on the military topic. I don't remember what it said but I remember reading it fairly often and getting strange looks.

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my novice year my partner was still getting used to debate

 

2nc ran 8 minutes of solvency

 

partner (do you relize that you dropped everything but solvency

 

other team no were not dropping them.

 

 

in class debate round

me: whats your birth day

 

other team: august 12,1995

 

me: whats your social security number,credit card number, security code, and the number underneath the deal where you scratch it off with a penny?

 

other team: silence

 

 

some other random ones

 

wheres the best place to hide a body?

 

you: do you know any good knock knock jokes?

 

other team: yeah, knock knock

 

you: come in

 

I feel sorry for you. There must not be very much genuine humor in your life.

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We are neg at UNLV

 

1AC ends and I immediately stand up and yell "ALRIGHT, I'VE GOT ONE THING TO ASK!"

 

Partner: "No Steven, don't! It's not worth going back to prison!"

 

Me: "Ok then, next question: what is the affirmatives stance on Justin Bieber?"

 

To this day the other team believes I had a question to ask them that would have potentially sent me to prison.

 

 

 

 

We had another debate where all of cross-x was spent trying to convince the 1A to put on a paper bag with eye holes cut out. They refused so we said that meant they couldn't perm our humor-good args.

 

Is this the round you gave us?

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This is the cx right after the 1AC. I was neg.

Neg: so your doing SETI?Can I assume you believe aliens are real?

Aff: *long pause* We don't believe aliens exist personally.

Neg: ...Alright then. So do you guys know if your ground based or space based?

Aff: What do you mean?

Neg: I mean like are y'all putting this radar telescope in space or on ground

Aff: Umm... we don't specify.

Neg: Alright well for this round would you guys mind conceding that your below the mesosphere just so it's clear to all of us.

Aff: Alright.

Neg: No further questions.

 

We ran T-above Earth's mesosphere and they spent the WHOLE 2A on making an counter interp on development. Nothing on the other 4 off or case.

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This is the cx right after the 1AC. I was neg.

Neg: so your doing SETI?Can I assume you believe aliens are real?

Aff: *long pause* We don't believe aliens exist personally.

Neg: ...Alright then. So do you guys know if your ground based or space based?

Aff: What do you mean?

Neg: I mean like are y'all putting this radar telescope in space or on ground

Aff: Umm... we don't specify.

Neg: Alright well for this round would you guys mind conceding that your below the mesosphere just so it's clear to all of us.

Aff: Alright.

Neg: No further questions.

 

We ran T-above Earth's mesosphere and they spent the WHOLE 2A on making an counter interp on development. Nothing on the other 4 off or case.

 

So your idea of the "funniest cross-x questions" are bad questions that a novice couldn't answer?

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So your idea of the "funniest cross-x questions" are bad questions that a novice couldn't answer?

Considering they weren't novices pretty much.

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